A Whopper of a Mess

Recently I found myself, yet again, overcommitted, with too many things to do in too short of a period of time.   And hungry.  Famished. You know, that borderline feed-me-now-or-you'll-be-sorry-when-I-bite-your-arm-off-if-you-get-near-me state?  Being the overly efficient planner and scheduler I am, my solution was to avoid making the healthy lunch I'd originally planned but rather indulge my ultimate no-no of convenience - the Burger King drive-thru.  I try to eat healthy.  I really do, but there are times where its tantalizing allure is too much and the craving must be appeased, in all of its greasy deliciousness!  I don't know why Burger King, but it's the only fast food I ever really crave.   Occasionally, I allow myself this.  And now, it would be mine!  I had decided!  

"I know," I thought to myself delusionally, "I can run all the errands and still make my appointment on time, if I just eat in the car!"   My chronic multi-tasking and compressed schedule is the perfect foil for my irrational justification - I gotta eat something, right?  I quickly discovered that my brilliant time saving plan worked much better in my head. 

Taking the first scrumptious bite, I pulled out of the drive-thru line and maneuvered thru the first round-about.   Have you ever tried to eat a hot burger while navigating thru a maddening number of roundabout turns between Sedona and the Village of Oak Creek?   I would not recommend it unless you don't care about arriving at your destination covered in Whopper innards.  Illogically, I thought to myself, "I'll just be careful."  Yeah, right...tell that to the Whopper who was hell bent on attacking me.   The bun began to slide.  No, no, NO!! I just managed to catch an escaping pickle as the onion made a clean getaway and landed somewhere beneath my lap.   I could only assume that's where it was, as I could hardly search for it, my eyes clearly on the road to ensure I stayed on it.   And another round about was coming up.  No chance to search for it now.  Pausing to take my next bite till the curve was complete, I still managed managed to lose more of the sandwich to my driver side floor board.

I dated a guy once who refused to eat at Burger King.   That was almost a deal-breaker were it not for his compromise of allowing me to at least go thru drive-thru to get something for myself.   How is that even possible to not yearn for the savory egg and cheese croissants and steamy cup of coffee on an early morning drive when you're not quite awake yet?  No surprise we're not together anymore. 

A sane person would've, at this point, conceded defeat and put the sandwich down and waited until arriving at their destination.  Clearly I did not fit that profile.  Not when it continued to taunt me with its "Come hither" smells.... Possessed, was I, by the devil burger!  I took another bite, a pickle fell onto my jeans, the fries took a nose dive and scattered all over the passenger seat in their attempt to flee.  Damn roundabout!  But I found myself laughing at the absurdity of it all.   I no longer cared that I looked and smelled like a deep fryer had exploded on me.  It was worth the mess and my stomach had finally stopped growling.   I was content once again and the craving was satisfied.....for now.