Spring forward, duct taping the ego and other housekeeping tactics

With spring in the air, it’s again prime time for some housekeeping.   I start getting itchy and twitchy to just purge, purge, PURGE!   With a vengeance, I go thru closets, corners and cupboards searching out anything that no longer aligns to who I am now.  Items that, in the soothing darkness of winter, were sentimentally cradled with affection just a few short months ago, are now inspected with cold, calculating eyes under the bright, harsh light of day.   Onto the pile it goes.  Goodwill Industries loves me this time ofyear.

All that physical purging feels good.  It gets the blood going and clears the air, literally and figuratively.  It gives us a sense of space, a sense of breath again. Especially for those of us that have been holding our breath throughout the dark night of winter, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Spring gives us a chance to banish those fears, breathe deep, shake things up and look at things from new vantage points.   If we’re really brave, we’ll take it a step further to re-evaluate our inner world, sweeping those outdated emotional and belief dust bunnies out the door, right along with their physical counterparts.  If they no longer fit, no sense in having them hang around,  holding us back from new experiences.  At least, that's the plan.

Life seems too short to have anything or anyone in our life that makes us feel bad, anxious, stressed or obligated.  There’s a difference between real connections in which you can open a vein, knowing your life blood is safe mingling with that of another in the far reaches of their soul and allowing both of you to emerge better, more whole versus participating in your own, or even worse, in someone else’s orchestration of an elaborate drama dance of action/reaction that keeps everyone perched just on the edge of insecurity.   Who needs that?  Pop psychologists may call it co-dependence, attachments or addiction, but it all boils down to the same thing:  anything that does not honor the self and its inherent right to walk its own path, without sneers or judgment or anything that seeks to manipulate and win dwells in the land of ego.   That's just crap - that’s not a real connection and it’s certainly not love.  At best, it’s attachment that latches on, dragging us into negative places, at worst, an addiction.  Neither contributes anything constructive to our new Spring forward model.   Let’s toss it on the pile.

This includes the negative dance we choose to continue to do with our ego.  You know, the one that likes to beat us up and point out, in excruciating detail, specifically how we are a screw-up, stressing us out, making us sad, and knocking down ourself-esteem?   Some duct tape for the ego is in order.  If it can’t say something nice, it needs to be muzzled.   Let’s stop asking it to dance.  Seems pretty straightforward.  When did we forget howto be nice to ourselves?

Spring is a great time to let go of our unhealthy attachment to the ego’s need to stomp on our feet, along with our self-esteem.   Let’s not give anyone that opportunity, including our darker selves.  In Spring, we re-evaluate everything.  Life is full of hope and promise as we resolve to shed winder’s maudlin doldrums with a refreshed, positive outlook of new beginnings – that means a harsh look at our own lives, shining the flashlight of truth on the dust of some serious emotional cobwebs under the couch of our minds.

Let’s let Spring shine, the way it was meant to, as a time of hope, of beginnings, of building, of possibilities.  We can choose which thoughts and people we allow into our mental and physical landscape.  Do they support something positive or do they tear us down?  Do they seek to manipulate us into feeling bad to keep us under "control" or do they build us up and empower us? Do we choose to believe that life is full of possibilities or do we choose to believe that everything will end in disaster? 

What will you choose to believe?  What mental dust bunnies will you allow to remain under your couch, making you sneeze? What will you sweep out the door?

We’re all on our own journey.  We get to decide the nature and the quality of the connections we make with others and with ourselves. Will they be based in honor, for ourselves and others, or will the ego win out in its insatiable need to control or will we step off the crazy-making carousel, boarding it up as permanently “Out of Order”?  Can we give ourselves permission to just be happy and look to the future, seeking new possibilities and leaving behind the dust bunnies of anything that does not support that?  

At this time of Spring time renewal, the odds are with us.  With happy hearts, full of hope, let’s turn our backs on the limiting dust bunnies of the past and look forward, into the new possibilities.  Let’s honor those real connections, for our sakes as much as theirs, bringing our most authentic selves to them.  Sure it's scary as shit, but I promise you, it's worth it.

And if we’re really lucky (like I have been and for which I'm grateful on a daily basis), for a while, we get to walk along side of someone who happens to be heading in the same direction, to share in the sunshine.

New Experiences - 45 day checkpoint

Approximately 45 days after my birthday commitment to experiencing at least one new thing, each day, every day, for the next 365 days, I'm still at it.  Frankly, I'm a little amazed - it certainly hasn't been easy - I've only missed one day due to illness.  It's been fantastic!   Primarily, it forced me to think about things in new ways, often racking my brain to come up with that day's particular adventure.   Made me really explore possibilities in ways I've never thought of before.  There's only so many different types of foods you can try, so many different stores you can explore, so many different types of tourist attractions you can attend before you have to start thinking about new in new ways.

One of the most interesting things I'm finding is the overwhelming amount of suggestions I've gotten once folks learn of what I'm doing.  Several have even decided to try the same thing.   We're sharing our experiences as we go!    From all those great suggestions, I started a list of "things to do" - it's now several pages long.  I've learned about hidden places, activities and ideas of things I never would have thought on my own or even knew about.   A great example of that is the Japanese Friendship Garden in Phoenix (thank you, Mike Calhoun!), a Japanese facial massage, learning to play Tibetan singing bowls and seeing the rock man on along the side of I-17 on the way to Phoenix (thanks to Josh, the ever observant shuttle driver!).

I've also pushed myself to try new things.  Bellydance classes are the first thing that come to mind!  Yes, really -  envision Lucille Ball in a hip scarf and finger cymbals, but it's a ton of fun!  I'm deepening connections in several different ways:  I've discovered new places and met new people that have interesting things to share.  I'm reconnecting with people from my past in new ways and changing the way I think about and interact with the people currently in my life.   Deepening real connections and letting go of negative attachments.   Changing my relationship to my self.   Expanding my creativity into new directions (digital art!), deepening spiritually and discovering new historical things, just to name a few. 

 It's been a hell of a month and a half and I can hardly wait to see how the year will end up.

Sure, it'll be tough to keep this up for the whole year, and I might even have to allow the new experience of forgiving myself for not being perfect by missing a day here and there, but in honoring the commitment to myself to keep seeking that sense of wonder, that, in turn, reinforces a belief in possibilities, in hope, I'm learning about myself and what I'm capable of - and it's starting to make realize the infinite possibilities of discovery just around the bend.....bring it on...and stay tuned!

Do You Dare to Be Liberated?

Can you commit to experiencing something new, each day, for a year?

On the eve of my birthday this year, I made a decision - this year was going to be different.   This year, I left last year's crap behind, in  the past, where it belonged (including old patterns, old hurts and fears, old ways of thinking and in some cases, old relationships that do not help support the future that I am traveling).  I didn't need to carry it anymore.

I would focus on new paths, new ways of thinking about things, new ways of seeing the world, new ways of relating and connecting with the people I love.  To help anchor this, I threw this challenge out to myself:   "Self," I said, "I DARE you to experience something new, each day, every day.  Learn from it.  Grow. Change.  Become better.  See where you land in a year.  Do it!"  My intuition nudged my uncertain rational mind.... "it could be ....liberating....you should give it a shot...stick your toe in the water, just to see"

And so I did...literally.  New Experience #1:   Outdoor hot tub in 30 degree weather with snowflakes on the lounge chairs around me!  HOLY cow, was it cold!  At first you couldn't tell if the mist in the air was steam from the water or your breath from the cold but it didn't matter....the water was deliciously warm and the air was electrifyingly cold.   It was glorious!  It was magical!  I now totally get the the whole, "let's sit in the hot tub with champagne bottles chilling in the snow behind our heads" concept.     Note to self:  Add New Planned Experience N+1 to list:   Ouray, CO vapor caves...but that's a topic for a future post.  I liked it so much I did it, twice, though it was MUCH colder in the evening when the sun had already gone down and there were a few snow flakes flying around in the air.  Most importantly, it was liberating because I surprised myself - the old me would never have done that.   Who knew, the new me would relish in it?  It gave me a new way to see myself and think about things and that was the whole point.

I realized, as I awoke on my birthday, that I had a new experience to look forward to that day, and each day.  Nothing would be boring or stagnant or routine again - and I had control over that.  I could keep my life as interesting, enriching and rewarding as I wanted it to be with my choices - duh.   I'd guaranteed a way to shake it up and keep things interesting.  Keep myself interesting.

Yesterday's adventure was exploring places in Jerome, AZ, I'd never been before.  I had an opportunity to go into the Holy Family Catholic Church, built in 1898.   It was simultaneously simple, and ornate.  The altar statues were amazing for this small little structure.  There was definitely a sense of the sacred. The windows overlooked the same views of the distant valley and Jerome's mine pits just as they must have done 100 years ago.   I was in awe.  I saw something I'd never seen before.  I'd felt something I'd never felt before.   It gave me something new to think about, wonder about, dream about.

Every day may not be an exercise in extreme temperatures or an encounter with history.  It may just be a new restaurant I've never tried, a new dish in an old, favorite restaurant, or just a new way of seeing and appreciating someone that I've known for a long time.   Regardless, my goal this year is not to take anything for granted, to have as many adventures as possible and to see something new and interesting in each day.

Won't you join me in the challenge?  Let's compare notes and see what new, wonderous things we've learned on our respective paths at the end of 365 days..... let's get liberated from old ways of thinking!  I dare you!

Book Review: Gather at the River (G.D. Hines)

G.D Hines’ debut offering, Gather at the River, blasts out of the gate and plunges the reader immediately into the dark inner world of Kyle Hyatt’s Vietnam flashbacks and the horrors of war and the unseen still locked within his mind. At its core, it is a story about family and the lengths they will got to protect their own, no matter the cost.  Where long held beliefs are challenged and desperately clung to traditions begin to deteriorate as the line between right and wrong blurs beyond recognition. 

The Hyatts are on both sides of the law, and both sides of prosperity.   Three generations of Hyatt men and a stubborn legacy of backwoods lifestyles and attitudes are at risk as multiple plots spin towards the tale’s heart stopping conclusion, leaving each man to face his own internal and external challenges.

Kyle battles the demons in his mind and in the bottle that holds him hostage from living in the present.  His father, Aaron, believes in self-sufficiency and refuses to live in a world outside his log cabin in the woods.  Kyle’s teenage son, Gayle, is torn between his loyalty to the only life he’s known with his grandfather and the encouragement of his uncle Reese to go to college and get more out of life.  Reese, at war with his entire family for his choice of profession must balance the obligations of his badge with his family, including the bootlegging activities of his brother Erwin and the other questionable activities of the rest of his family.

Set against the harsh backdrop of a southern Alabama cypress swamp in the early 1960s, the pace never slows.   The stark reality of living off the land and its dangers, both natural and manmade predators, are described with a grit and harshness that seeks to be as honest as the characters need to be with themselves.  No apology or sugar coating is made with a graphicness that tears at one’s soul with the fierceness of a bobcat’s kill.  Inner and outer conflict wait around each corner as each of the Hyatt men must face their own duality and consider new ways of approaching their worlds if they are to survive.   But the clock is ticking and a murderer and a rapist is on the loose, putting at risk everything they each hold dear. 

Gather At the River is an exceptionally well written, hold onto your hat and watch out for gators tale of revenge, of justice, of honor, of redemption.   Hines ensnares the reader from the first paragraph and does not release his grip until the very end.   A wild ride, it is a brilliant mix of grisly brutality and poignant hopefulness, always compelling the reader to see what dark dangers lurk around the next corner.   So engaging, I found myself cheering for their victories and wishing they could hear my screams of warning as I could see the next danger coming before they did.

Available on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Gather-at-the-River-ebook/dp/B005DSAPLI/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1360544276&sr=8-12&keywords=gather+at+the+river

The Non-Monogamous Nature of Socks

I’ve determined my socks have serious commitment issues.   They just won’t stay together.   This got me thinking about why that is.   Sure, when they’re brand new, they look so happy together in their crisp package, lying side by side, bright and full of promise of many happy miles together.   But after a few times around the block, a few spins thru the wringer and some tumbles, both high and low, pretty soon, one of them is no where to be found.  Its abandoned partner lies hopefully to the side while the laundry is sorted and folded, hoping that somewhere in the pile its elusive mate will surface.  But after the last shirt is folded and even the dishtowels are neatly paired up with their matching washcloths, all that remains are a few mismatched socks, forlorn, at the bottom of the basket. 

 Like the Island of Misfit Toys, the Mismatched seek solace with their abandoned kindred.  Even a left-behind pink footie can find solidarity with an equally abandoned purple one on occasion, though typically only acceptable in the dark.  Unless the owner is too hung over to care or liberal-minded enough to make a statement and dares to wear them in the light of day… GASP!  together!  Meanwhile, their more footloose former companions are sometimes found hiding under the bed, behind dressers, or even behind the front door.   Clear evidence of their desperate attempts to escape.   The most rebellious sometime find shelter in an interior pocket of a gym bag or buried in the underwear drawer where no self-respecting sport crew should ever be caught. 

Maybe they just like the rush of the constant spinning of the dryer and wedge themselves inside the drum to cycle round and round and round till they grow tired and eventually re-surface.    It’s hard to tell what motivates them.   It doesn’t seem to matter whether they are classic white cotton, or high end wool, they all do it.  But is this really infidelity or simply an adherence to a more basic nature?   Can we fault them for a desire for more?  For the different? For the exotic?  Hardly.  


Are we no different? Do we not bury our true natures behind forced, companionable smiles, but inside, really think:  I wish I was a sock…..oh, the liberation I would have THEN!?   But we are not happy for long.  Maybe that’s what differentiates us – our need for the perpetual search to be joined with a soul mate vs. their perpetual searching for more, more, more….alone.

This leads me to only one conclusion - there are no sole mates in the Footwear Kingdom.   Think I’ll stick with flip-flops and avoid the issue entirely.  I’m glad I’m not a sock.  Aren’t you?

Two for Tea?

A steaming cup of tea has always been the go-to remedy for a range of ailments from physical maladies to broken hearts.  Clearing the head, settling the tummy or just soothing the soul with its healing vapors, the face cannot help but relax into a slow smile upon the first delectable inhale.  Somehow, with that first whiff and a deep sigh, we know that all is right with the world.

Jazz Bouquet Floral Shop & Tea Café in West Sedona, caters to that ahh moment with its High Tea offering, served daily from 2-4pm by reservation.   A beautifully crafted selection of tea sandwiches artistically prepared, mouthwatering scones and petit fours await in 3-tiered glass trays as the soft strains of light jazz surround you.

Owner, Kim Roda knows her stuff when creating ambience and meticulous attention to detail.   If you feel the urge to unwind, slow down from the hectic pace and stop and smell the roses for a bit, literally, all of those are easily accommodated.  It’s a warm, cozy, space with a small, welcoming staff that makes you feel you are having a cup of tea at your best friend’s kitchen table.  Sharing space with the floral studio, tiny café tables beckon “Come…sit for a bit…let me get you some….tea….” as the sunlight streams into the window, the whole room is infused with cheerfulness and light.  Who could resist such a respite?

Initially, I found myself  going in to buy flowers and learned of the high tea offering, chatting with the owner.  I decided to return and check out the experience myself.  Approximately once a month, they have live jazz music.  As luck would have it, my timing was perfect and one such special event was coming up the following week.  Live jazz music that day was provided by Bill Barnes and inspired a bit of a sing-a-long to old favorites among the enthusiastic patrons.  

From an extensive tea menu (my favorite is the Moroccan Mint), there is sure to be one for every palate.  The chef typically prepares different creations for special events.   Almost too pretty eat.   Too mouth wateringly tasty not to.

That day, the featured tea sandwiches were ham with cream cheese and cucumber, an out of this world brie in puff pastry, greek with feta cheese, chicken salad, and pimento cheese with candied pecans, as well as a Cajun shrimp cucumber canapé.  My taste buds were in heaven and doing somesaults and trapeze acts in my mouth in jubilation!  Little did they know what they were in for next. 

The second tier featured their housemade scones that are perfection in a pastry.  Moist and crunchy in a beautiful balance, enhanced only by a delectable cream and housemade preserves.   By this point, my taste buds were in near full-swoon and I was ready to propose to that scone, right then and there.  I didn’t care that it wasn’t an actual person.  I’d found my true love.

The top tier completed the rapture.   A lovely collections of shortbread cookies, carefully hand decorated alongside an assortment of meringues and candied nuts.

All in all, an event not to be forgotten and often to be repeated! 

A perfect way to celebrate a special event, birthday, anniversary, a romantic date or even just a “just because” day.   If you don’t have time or are not up for the full tea, lighter teas are also available featuring a smaller assortment of sandwiches or just stop in for tea and a scone anytime.  No reservation required.  Reservations for full tea are requested to allow for sandwich preparation.  While you are there, after having sipped the last bit of liquid happiness out of your cup, consider allowing, Genie Bramlett, the delightful resident tea leaf reader, to peer into your cup and your future.   Appointments are recommended.  Call for availability.

Jazz Bouquet is located in the Basha’s shopping center across from Beall’s (40 Coffee Pot Drive, Suite E-106, 
Sedona, AZ  86336) and is also a full-service florist, including 1-800-Flowers and FTD, and specializes in weddings.  Website:  http://jazzbouquetfloral.com. 

Phone:  928-204-1091.   Hours:   Mon-Sat 10am-5pm.  Closed holidays.