A Pirate's Life for All

Ahoy, Mateys!

In honor of International Talk Like A Pirate Day, annually celebrated on September 19, I thought I'd take a moment to explore why it is that we love pirates so much. Well, maybe we don't all love pirates, but I know I sure do!  And certainly don't mind being one for the day.

First order of business was, of course to find out my pirate name and corresponding piratical nature, which were surprisingly fairly accurate.

My pirate name is:

Iron Bess Bonney

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
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So what's with the fascination, I wondered, and came up with a few possibilites:

1) Forbidden.  These are the bad boys that Mama warned you to stay away from (yeah, right, like that's gonna happen).  That just makes them all the more alluring as you try to find out why.   What have they done to gain that status? and then the next appealing trait surfaces....they become...mysterious...

2) Mysterious and Exotic.  Aren't we typically drawn to something we don't understand?   Because we see in it an opportunity to learn something, to see life thru a different lens, to learn a little more about ourselves and to live a little, outside our normal day to day box....and why would we do that?

3) Adventure: Of course!   No one said, ever,  "You know, Doctor, I've always dreamed of living a boring life where nothing interesting or unexpected ever happens.  The idea of sameness and predictability all the time, is my most fervent wish."  And if they did, we'd google the name of the good doctor to set them straight.  These guys (and gals)  grab life by the coconuts with an iron grip and swing on the riggings of their own imaginations.    They are limited by nothing but their own courage to step into the unknown.  We like that.  We wish we did that more.  We admire them, because we are a little afraid of them.  And we sigh, wishing we could follow suit.

4) Liberated, Decisive and Confident:   They are not bogged down by mundane concerns of responsibilities, mortgages, bills and conducting themselves with decorum.  Bah! They flaunt decorum and live by their own rules.  If someone makes you angry at the PTA meeting, you certainly don't have to smile and work it out with little Bobby, the terror's, delusional mother, thru the next 12 months of school band fundraisers.    You'd maroon both their petulant, bratty butts on the nearest deserted island and thank them to stay off your ship and out of your waters in the future.  And that's if you're the sort of pirate with a heart.

Simply put, they don't put up with any shit.  None of this lamenting "Oh, I want to do this, but what if it upsets so and so, maybe it's better if I just do what makes them happy.  It's not all that important to me, anyway, right?"  Of course it is!  They'd swab the deck with us if they heard us boo-hooing about our indecision.  "Quit lettin' the guilt o' others be decidin' for ye, the things yer own heart should be mindin' fer itself!" is what they'd tell us.   And then they'd give us a swift shove with their sword a bit further out onto the gangplank.  Unless, of course we managed to somehow retrieve our misplaced self-confidence from the inside of our boots where, incidentally, we'd been busy stomping all over it ourselves in our futile attempts to appease others.  They can do things we fear we can't.   They can live.   And they do it on their terms.  "But, wait," we say.  "I want to really live, too, not just exist." Which bring us to....

5) Authenticity of Self:   They know who they are.  They know what they want. They make no apologies or excuses to anyone or themselves.   And do not feel the need to fit into anyone else's definition.  Sure, sometimes their actions won't win them the Nobel Peace Prize, but hey, they're not out to impress anyone.   They're just trying to be true themselves.  They are being the best version of themselves that they know how to be.   That's the thing that probably excites us the most.  In all of our years of being told to be "Be nice.  Get along.  Let someone else go first", we've forgotten how to honor ourselves, and to take our rightful place at the helm as Captain of our own life.

It may not be sustainable to live this way all time - we do have to, after all, exist within the confines of polite society, so, some small compromises may be necessary on occasion without giving up the essence of self.  Lest we find ourselves in the brig, that is, for bad behavior.   But, certainly, at least one day out of the year, perhaps on September 19, it may just do our black hearts a spot of good to join with them for a pint o' rum or grog and sing a little celebration song in a toast to ourselves.

If we run our own ship aground, well, yeah, it may be splintered, we may need to do repairs, or abandon the course entirely and set out on a new one, but so be it.   It's our damn ship to do with what we please.  If we want to change its course and point it to a new horizon that offers greater hope and promise, we should be allowed to do that, too.  We are the only ones that hold the key to that permission treasure chest.  We are, after all the Captain, and the Captain always has the final word. That's the lesson our pirate brothers and sisters have to teach us.

Yeah.... I think I wanna be a pirate....at least, for today....

Hey, you, Scurvy Dog, over there!  Fetch me a pint, would ya?

Time and Time Again

Recently blessed by the visit of an old friend (old, not because he is old, but old because we've been friends for more years than we've not been friends) got me thinking about the longevity and constancy in our relationships and what makes some endure and others fade.   As we go thru life, we are bound to change.  The people that resonate with us in one phase, certainly cannot be expected to resonate with us in another as we morph into a new self.   As anyone will say, you must shed the old in order to fully embrace the new.  But what about the old that becomes part of the new?

In those younger years and our lack of experience or limited frame of reference, we were very focused on things like loyalty and betrayal and a false sense of what that meant.  Back then, it was based on a sense of sameness, of fitting in and having things in common.   Like attracted like.  We had no real depth yet - no way of connecting on any other level except for shared interests and superficial similarities.  When those changed, as is inevitable once people begin to grow, the relationships based solely on those factors did, too.   Except for the ones that didn't.   There were the rare few that survived.  Not because we had more in common or they were cooler or more like us, but because they loved and accepted us, exactly for who were.  Not just that in moment, but across all moments.   When we stopped being who we were when they met them, they did not cry "Betrayed! Betrayed!" but looked at us kindly with concern and asked "who do you want to be?  How I can best help you be the new you that you want to be?" - and they did it.  Each time.  Over and over again.  Without judgement.

They become our confidants, our accomplices, our solid, safe place from which to launch our latest crazy idea.   They cheered with us when we won, they cried with us when we lost, they wisely kept their mouth shut when we embarrassed ourselves, and wordlessly helped us clean up the mess and pick up the pieces of our shattered egos and self-esteem and somehow made us feel whole again, time and time again.   They held us up, even when they didn't understand us or agree with us, because it's who they are and what they do.   I often wonder, without them, would I ever ever been able to get back up? Fortunately, I never have to find out.   They are waiting, their hand outstretched to help me up again no matter how big of a mess I've landed myself in, typically of my own doing.  They go out of their way to do something that is meaningful to you, not to them, because it brings you happiness.

The older I get, the more changes I experience and the more selves I become/re-invent, I am more profoundly amazed at how some those friends are still here.    Our lives have taken such different turns and we are profoundly different people yet, somehow there they still are.   It hasn't been an easy ride for many of them.   There have been times that we still cringe at the dark days and laugh, with tears in our eyes, at all the different roles we've played in the years.  I would've left myself years ago if I were them, but no.   I know I can count on them no matter how many times I screw up.   And I feel blessed and honored.   When I ask, joking (and not so joking) why they still stick around I got a simple, but astonishing answer:  "Because you've always done that for me."  Really?  I feel like I don't do enough sometimes and I am humbled and even more committed to show up and be a better friend.   But I guess that's what that whole loyalty thing is about.   I'd move mountains,  if I could,  to protect these guys and help them find joy and honor, respect and support the current self they've chosen to be.   But it's a lot easier for me - they're pretty wonderful!  Me, well, let's just say they've got their challenges dealing with me on occasion.

I have a friend who has known me since I was 18.   I am no longer that girl and can barely remember her and not really sure I want to, but he does.   And he still sees her in me as well as who I've become and accepts the entire spectrum.  His eyes still shine with the loyalty to his friend from so long ago and all of the friends in the new selves I created thru the years that he also stood by.   And when he tells me stories of those days, some of the little things he remembers, which I've long since forgotten, are such small things in my mind, but are treasured memories in his.   Similarly, his memory is equally blank when I remember small kindnesses he did that meant so much to me.   I guess that's why we are still friends.    We remember only the good of each other.  We don't count the good things we've done because we've forgotten our own good deeds and typically can only remember our own failures.   They have forgotten our failures or don't see them as such.  There is no keeping score.

Today I look at the man that he's become and I am so proud and honored to be so blessed to have such a friend.   We talked a little about why we were still here, amazed that the core of our friendship has never really changed despite how far we'd come from those teenagers, just embarking on the world, not knowing a damn thing about what we were doing.    We were so clueless!   And we came to this realization:   The original trust, of unconditional support, naive though it must have been at the time was not unfounded - it was still there.  It was never broken, it was never betrayed.   No matter how far we may have drifted apart over the years at different points,  we knew that we would always show up.    You just don't find that every day.    As many of the relationships in my life have come and gone in the years, I am remarkably blessed by the number of friendships I have that are just like this one.   Many of them have been there for decades, some are fairly new but no less committed.

There is no hiding from them.  They know all the secrets, they know where all the bodies are buried (hell, they probably helped bury some) and know how ugly I can get - despite that, they still show up.   They've done some pretty amazing things:  They drive hours and take days off of work to visit with my mother because it's important to me.   They even get her drinking margaritas and tell her embarrassing stories about me from years ago that make me want to crawl under the couch and hide while she roars with laughter and their eyes twinkle with sheer evil.  They make up stories, just to make me laugh when I am having a hard day.  They call my bluff and tell me I'm full of it when I am - and then laugh at me.  They refuse to let me be dishonest with them or myself.  And they are kind (brutally so, when I'm being obtuse that I can't hear it any other way - they've been known to shout when I'm being particularly deaf).  They push me to follow my dreams and encourage me when I start to doubt.   They do things for me, because it's important to me and for no other reason.  Sometimes, just because I asked them to - no questions asked.  No explanations needed.  Pure and unconditional support.  I am humbled and honored and think, wow, am I lucky to have friends like this.

Now we do not connect because we are the same.  Or even like the same things.  Or live the same kind of life.  In fact, in many cases, we are so different that it's astounding that we are friends at all.   Except for that one thing that remains unchanged.   That loyalty, that unconditional trust and acceptance, regardless of who we are or who we will continue to become.    That's what differentiates them from the others.

And it makes me want to show up for them, too.....every time.

Welcome to my new blog!

Many have been nudging me (my subconscious, included) for a while.  The spirit of those collective conversations went a little like this:

Me:      But what would I write about?
Them:  Anything! How can you be a writer if you don't actually write?
Me:      ::Virtual brick of truth hits me squarely in the forehead, knocks me on my booty::
Them:  So....?  ::feet tapping, impatiently::
Me:      But will it be interesting enough?
Them:  Are YOU interested in it enough to talk about it? To think about it?  To find out what others think about it?
Me:      ::I am silent, I am pondering this::
Them:  What if they are thinking what you are thinking?  What if NO one says it.   Shouldn't someone say it? And if they're not thinking it, should they be?  Wouldn't that be interesting - just to see what they think?  What anyone thinks?   Maybe we can all learn something?
Me:  Wow.   Ok, then....let's do this!

I've never done this before so here we go.    I've always been a big fan of leaping into the unknown, virtually blindfolded, a little nervous queasy feeling my stomach, shaking my head knowing I have no idea what I'm getting into and relishing in the possibilities that I may encounter on the path.   The "more guts than brains" syndrome I seem to have a chronic case of.  The idea of getting real, unplugged, and unvarnished to get to the root of who we are has always interested me.  After thinking about it some more and some additional nudging from friends who had already gone before me down this path, I finally decided to take the leap.

Come along on my adventure.  Let's think, and muse and ponder and debate together.   Let's share, laugh, comfort, console, rant, rage, wonder and delight.   But mostly, I invite you to join me as a travel mate on this journey.  Regardless of where it takes us, may we always step forward with integrity and honesty and follow those things that bring us joy, beauty, laughter and love.  And do it with the honor and respect of each other and every living thing.

Many Blessing and Bon Voyage!