A Cup of Perspective

In the early morning quiet, with a grateful sigh, I pour a perfect cup of freshly brewed coffee in the few moments of stillness before the day begins. Before the urgency and frenzy of the to-do list looms overhead, before the panicked realization of things left unfinished or forgotten from the day before dawns, before worry of the yet unknown potential outcomes of the future play out their catastrophizing what-if scenarios, I gently refuse to allow the mind entry into this most sacred time of respite, restoration and fortication that has become my morning ritual.  With each sip, with each slow exhale, I am reminded that  tension and stress need not be a default setting, if we are diligent to its attempts to overwhelm us.  And it gets me thinking about the importance of maintaining perspective, especially in the midst of highly uncertain times, both globally and more locally in our own lives.

Yes, we live in stressful, fear-inducing, anxiety-causing, uncertain times, that often leave us feeling out of control.  Every one can relate to that.  We’ve all been told how dangerous it is to internalize stress and all of the negative impacts it can have on the emotional, mental and physical bodies.  We know this.  Yet, here we are again, buying into the “oh no, oh no, oh no!” mindset, torturing ourselves with thoughts full of fear-based outcomes. No wonder we are exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.  Our minds are racing at an Olympic-worthy speed. One misstep at that speed and you’ll twist and ankle or fall right off the track.  You can’t possible make progress forward in a reasonable way.  You’re a runaway train at that point, destined to crash and you will never reach your destination.  And if you do, by some miracle, you’ll likely be bandaged, splinted bruised and on crutches.

A friend once referred to this as a high-speed wobble, which often feels like a near spin-out. My morning moments of stillness remind me that I don’t want to live like that. It’s amazing what a few minutes spent stepping off that drama stage can do. And maybe that’s all we need.  Just couple of minutes to more clearly see what’s before us, right here, today, right now.  Not tomorrow, not next week, not next month when the world might implode, but now.  Is it really that dire, today? In this moment?  And the answer is usually, well, no, not today, but, tomorrow... Ah! Shhh...not tomorrow, TODAY! And look for the opportunities that are showing up, TODAY, that you weren’t able to see through the fear. There’s probably at least one you didn’t notice while you were busy doing your wobble dance.  And immediately, the blood pressure goes down with relief, our creativity is allowed to bloom, and possibilities give us hope again. The exhale escapes as we are again able to breathe in a way that no longer resembles hyperventilation. 

And then the real work can begin, from a place of equilibrium.  When we take the unnecessary pressure off of ourselves to solve everything for all eternity right now, this minute.  It’s ok to not know the answer to everything. But you can’t make good choices if you are too stressed to see the facts clearly. You can always hop back on the anxiety train tomorrow, if you choose, but who would want to?  So as I reach the final drops of my morning cup of perspective, I am reminded that I have more options that I initially thought, the monsters aren’t nearly as scary as I’d feared, and I have everything I need, for today.  And tomorrow is a new day where I will do it again.  If we commit to ourselves to consciously seek balance, perspective and hope as fiercely as we bought into the stress that paralyzed us in the past, there’s nothing we can’t accomplish.  Our sanity, health and well-being depend on it.

A Year of Something New

On my birthday last year, being somewhat scientifically minded, I decided to run an experiment.  The goal:  experience something new, anything, each day for the next 365 days and chronicle it.  Why?  Well, I was curious to see if I could do it, but mostly to avoid getting caught up in a day-to-day rut that often clouds the sense of wonder and joy that each day has to offer.   Living in Sedona, there is no excuse to ever be grumpy, yet I’ve seen it happen and I was certain that it was avoidable and had some connection to losing our sense of wonder, even in this wondrous town.  I set out to prove my theory that positive transformation awaited, if only I’d get up off the couch and go experience something and quit grumbling about rut worthy things.  I started a journal, capturing not only the actual experiences, but often the reason behind why I thought it was noteworthy.  It’s from those entries that I learned the most about what I found to be valuable and important.

As I read through my notes to prepare for this piece, I smiled.  It’s been a hell of a year.  More so than I even remembered until I read the words on the page.  All of those emotions flooded back and played themselves out in the theatre of my mind’s eye like a memory slide show video montage.  The only thing missing was the background sound track mash-up that I’m sure included all my favorite ‘70s and ‘80s road trip tunes.  You know, the ones that make you sing along so loud you don’t realize the cop behind you is gonna give you a ticket if you don’t take your food off the gas?  Fortunately, that only happened once this past year.   And I deserved the ticket.  I was going way too fast and was way too happy about it.  But it did give me the new experience of taking defensive driving online thru Comedy Central which was actually kind of entertaining, so hey, let’s make lemonade out of it, right? 

So what was last year all about?   What was the common theme running thru everything?  If I had to pin it down to a one line statement, I’d have to say  “Step up and claim your happiness.”  It took several forms but they all seemed to support this common goal, which I didn’t even know I had until I had achieved it.  There seemed to be a healthy balance of external as well as internal experiences.   Lots of new people, things, places, and scenic road trips that always renew my soul.  It was also about deepening connections, past and present.  Lots of historical explorations and meaningful, one-on-one time with an abundance of interesting folks, existing and new, in my life.   Lots of new restaurants (Harry’s Hideaway in Cornville is my new absolute favorite, rivaled only by the Lost Dutchman’s Hideout near Apache Junction) and culinary experiences, some in my own kitchen, made the list.  I saw some amazing performances from the amazing Dia de Los Muertos performance of fire spinning and jazz, to belly dance and Native American showcases.  It was an honor to attend and cheer on many of my good friends who performed.  I also attended fests that joyously celebrated books and beer in the form of the Sedona Book Festival to the first Red Rocks Ocktober fest, even volunteering to dress in a traditional German dirndl to greet guests.  Oh yeah, and I moved this past summer.  If a new environment and new view doesn’t give a psychological reset, I don’t know what does.  It’s been downright zen-like to watch the sun rise every morning and set each evening on the red rocks just past my patio.  I’ve also seen my fair share of interesting creatures this year, including bluebirds, quail, rattlesnakes, spiders (big ass scary ones inside the house!) and coyotes, javelinas, and gorgeous bobcats, most of which have decided my back patio is a wildlife super highway.  Lucky me!

If happiness was the primary theme, exploration and learning were close seconds.  I wandered through, around, over, and under an assortment of historical sites, museums and structures.  And I did a lot of hiking.  Fortunately, I did not fall off any ledges or require any tetanus shots from climbing on old rusty things, though my hiking boots might be a little worse for wear from a wee little slip into the waters of Oak Creek…whoops!  Who knew dusty, sandy 800+ year old indian caves and cliff dwelling ruins (I will be eternally grateful to Gary Every for introducing me to my new favorite past time of crawling around in caves!) could be so transformative and uplifting?  Certainly not me.  I also had no idea that meditative dance, in the form of belly dancing, could bring so much healing, laughter and friendship, not to mention an extra little bit of gracefulness in case I stumble on my next cave climbing adventure and need a smooth way to shimmy and body undulate out of a faux pas or cave floor face plant!  Apparently, I was clueless about a lot of things when I started this journey, but that was kind of the point.   I most certainly learned something, I transformed, I was happy.

It wasn’t all cupcakes and roses, though I gotta say, the homemade cupcakes at Wild Rose Tea House in the Old Cottonwood Jail (another new discovery!) are pretty darn tasty and the roses I cut from my new garden are more fragrant than any I bought in a store.  There were also moments of deep sadness, of grief, of saying good bye to people I’d loved, of loss, of the disappointment and hurt of unexpected betrayal by some of the very people who held my trust the most.  Moments of making hard choices, that were essential to healing and recommitting to a life of happiness.  Even so, I found that I still had no regrets.  There was NOT ONE thing I would’ve done differently because I realized I was as true to myself in each moment as I could be and that was most important, regardless of outcome.  I vowed not to let grief dampen courage and joy or impede the commitment I’d made to my own happiness and well being.  If that included walking away from anything or anyone that did impeded that, so be it.  Doesn’t make the pain of those losses any less painful, or those experience any less meaningful, just a bit more understandable, and a tiny bit more tolerable.  A worthwhile price to pay to maintain inner wellness and honor my commitments to myself.

I had no idea what other opportunities awaited if I just trusted, just a little bit.   Until I did it.  WOW!  I love my job for the first time in more years than I can count and am happier than I ever have been, professionally speaking.  Probably because I finally left what didn’t work behind and embraced what did and changed jobs.  I was also able to lay the foundation for a new business start up I’ve been talking about for years.  It’s really happening now and I’m still a little stunned.  In its infancy, I can’t wait to see where this goes.  Even my art is being taken in a different direction and it’s interesting to explore content and media I’ve never tried before.  The art is selling fairly consistently, the book is almost done and there are several venues encouraging me to sell both.  Never imagined the hobbies and pie-in-the-sky dreams would manifest into something real, but there we go.  Transformation.  Something new.

The experiment results were in and boy, was I right! I didn’t log a something new every single day but I came darn pretty close.  Most of the days that are missing entries are more likely due to the fact that I was too busy out there experiencing the new things that I forgot to write them down and then could no longer remember when I finally remembered to chronicle.  Oh well.  Maybe I’ll do better next year.  Probably not.  This past year had so much to teach me about the world around me, inside me, our shared past and my own hopes for the future.   Mostly, it was a sweet reminder of just how blessed I was and reinstated my gratitude for how much wonder was still out there to be discovered and the strong support system I had helping me along, cheering me on (You know who you are and I love you all!)  It gave me so many new things to look forward to.  It reminded me of the deep, wonderful connections I had with the people in my life that really matter.  It renewed my hope, reconfirmed my joy and made me excited for discoveries yet to come.  Most importantly, it reminded me who I was, encouraged me to step up and out in courage and go live in happiness.  

I can’t wait to see what’s up next!

The Whack of Creativity

Why do artists create art?   I’m sure there are many theories, but a common, underlying force that permeates all the others is, because, quite simply, they have to.  When Creativity hits, it typically smacks you upside the head, or punches you in the gut, kicks you in the ass, etc… you get the idea.   You never see it coming but once it’s there, it will not be denied.

Not all art is pretty and flowery and full of sunshine and butterflies.   Not all art can leave us feeling with same warm tingling of a tummy full of Mom’s apple pie .  As much as an artist might want to share a positive experience, a happy uplifting take away, it’s not really up to them to dictate.   Anyone who has ever tried to control the outcome of a piece of art knows what I mean.  Good luck with that.   Creativity just laughs at you and the piece turns out the way it wants to anyway.   If it has a story to tell, by God, it’s coming out whether you want to cover it up with a flowery blanket of nice-nice or not. And it’s usually better and more faceted than you could have designed in your logical brain anyway, if you will just let it have it’s way.   Best to know when to give in gracefully.

I had heard this before:  Do not try to be too comfortable.   Embrace the discomfort.   It is important to let it wash over you and just feel, not think.   Ok, I thought, I can do that.   But how often do we actually let the notion of “uncomfortable”  settle in our bones and allow ourselves to stay there, in that space, no matter how creatively productive it might be?    Probably not often enough, because, well, honestly, it’s .. um, uncomfortable, duh!  But beware, if you don’t embrace it, Creativity will stalk you like a bobcat eyeing the next dinner morsel.  It will pounce out of nowhere and smack the shit out of you and before you know it, you will be spiraling into the depths of the very uncomfortableness you were working so futilely to avoid.  

Here’s a typical scenario:  Just when you think you are planning on enjoying a nice quiet day, making nice quiet art, or happily enjoying the harmony that you so effectively orchestrated in your personal world, Creativity laughs a wicked sneer and says… “Oh yeah?  Watch this!”  Before you know it, a raw emotion, yanked unceremoniously from your belly where you’d effectively stuffed it for years, is shoved hard in your face.  “Look at me!” It demands!   “DO something!” It commands.   All the pain, anger and whatever the hell was buried along with it is now alarmingly staring you in the eyes, demanding acknowledgement.”  What choice do you have, really?

Plunged into the depths of the subconscious, you flail, grasping for the life raft of balance and order that is no where to be found.  The dark, cold waters of the creative undertow has grabbed hold.   Now you’re spiraling down into the icy, hidden caverns of the psyche, swimming thru lost caverns of forgotten dreams and where the grief and disappointment of dashed hopes live.  But in those depths, in that pool of discomfort, lies the very thing that ignites the necessary spark to your next masterpiece.   Do you have the courage to face it?  Will you dive deeper to find unknown treasures or will you kick and gasp for air, panicked, suppressing those processes again, haunted by them as they lurk just below the subconscious surface, until they try to snatch you up again?   Creativity boldly confronts you “Do you really want to be artist or do you want to hide?”  You decide.

In a recent interview with Bruce Springsteen, I just heard it again.  He discussed this very thing as it related to the thrust of where his music comes from.  It’s an answer to this internal sense of uncomfortableness with something that is seeking expression, that must be expressed.  He said he makes music and performs because he “has to.”  It made complete sense to me and also made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck as Creativity smacked me in the head, again, saying “See?!!  I told you!  Now go DO SOMETHING!”

And so, compelled, the artist, must find an expression for that spark, no matter how peaceful of a day they had planned.  That very uncomfortableness leads them on a journey thru which they are transformed.  By the end of the piece, they are often as surprised as the audience at what actually appears on the canvas.  It is not planned.  It is not controlled.  It is simply there, allowed to exist in the light of day and expressed, in all of its messy, complicated, raw, unresolved glory.   And the artist breathes a sigh of relief.  And Creativity smirks “See?  Told ya so!”  just as it’s getting ready to smack you upside the head, yet again…

McCauley's "Prohibition" serves up an enjoyable ride

In Archie Doyle's 1930's New York, prohibition is just a word when Archie ran the town.  The money from his less than legal enterprises were flowing as plentifully as the illegal hooch he served up to thirsty customers in his many gambling halls and speak easies.  No one challenged that authority.  Especially not the slimy mayor in Archie's pocket.  But that's changing.  Much more dangerous than the crooked cops on Doyle's payroll paid to look the other way, there's a new dangerous competition in town...and they're gunning for Archie and threatening the empire he's spent decades building.

With Archie's right hand man shot up by an unknown gunman and out of commission, it's now up to Terry Quinn, Doyle's key enforcer and a very likable, loyal, but lethal, badass, to figure out the who the threat is and efficiently eliminate it before things get out of hand.  But as the ground gets shakier,  the stakes escalate with each spray of bullets, blood and dropping bodies.  As one mystery is solved, more questions are unearthed, leaving Quinn racing against the clock.  Soon, the entire city is embroiled in a turf war where it's hard to tell the good guys from the bad guys and who's betraying whom.

Can Quinn, ever loyal to his boss, put a stop to it, while protecting those he loves, and still get out of it alive?

The characters are well-formed and nuanced.  They come alive, breathing, bleeding, and struggling with their inner demons as they try to stay alive and maintain their power and honor.  This book is as much about the honor among thieves and the loyalty of friendship as it is about the shoot-'em-up-bang! lifestyle.  Violent, touching, bloody, humorous, cruel, dangerously terrifying and unexpectedly sentimental at times, it wraps up a nice package of dimensionality and reflects a complete picture of the often conflicting nature of the human condition.  Neither good, nor bad, with no apologies or pretenses.  

As McCauley writes, "Quinn didn't like killing people just for the hell of it.  Murder could become an easy solution for most problems.  Murder could become a habit and habits make you sloppy.  Sloppy got you killed."

The action is fast paced and keeps your attention, flipping pages fervently to see how they will get themselves out of the most recent conundrum.  Often, the dry humor provides a nice break to particularly tense scenes, avoiding too much heaviness and darkness.  The result is a thoroughly enjoyable experience where you will find yourself alternately fearing for their safety, cheering with relief as they clear hurdles and realize victories, and seething with rage, desiring vengeance for when they are wronged!


A delightful, adventurous ride-along in old fashioned gangster style that quickly engages the reader and evokes the desire to reach right into the pages and help Quinn smack the smugness out of the guest he's interrogating.  As much as you might hate violence, you will find yourself cheering him on to "just plug the rat, already!"   You're fingers will itch to pick up a Tommy gun and join in the charge!  This, is Archie Doyle's New York.  Welcome to 1930.

For more information about the author, Terrence McCauley

http://terrencemccauley.blogspot.com

To purchase"Prohibition" by Terrence McCauley, on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0615743889/ref=rdr_ext_tmb

DiVoM’s Funky Jazz Gets “Underneath” Your Skin and Seeps Into Your Soul

“Underneath,” the debut recording album of David Vincent Mills’ band, DiVoM, delivers a powerful, multi-dimensional musical journey that immediately knocks the breath out of you.  Then, just as suddenly and gently, it swoops beneath and transports the listener back in time with its infectious spirit of celebration and joie de vivre.   “Junk,” as the style is affectionately referred to by Mills, is a fusion of jazz and funk – but this is anything but the traditional definition of that word.  Joining Mills on this project are veteran musicians, bassist Baba Elefante and drummer Craig Bunch.  This polished ensemble delivers a smooth, nuanced layering of each piece.  It’s virtually impossible to pick a favorite track as each has its own flavor.   Would you limit yourself to just one flavor of decadent ice cream or sample them all…again and again?

The overall sound of the album is perfect for wine drinking, philosophizing over coffee, or shaking off the blues.  The tracks are varied from upbeat tempos that get you moving to more soulful, introspective, nostalgic pieces that evoke memories or daydreams of days gone by.  There’s al little bit for everyone.  If you think you don’t like jazz, you’ve likely never heard this stuff.  It just might have you looking around for speakeasies and F.Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald.  Many of the tracks are reminiscent of the sophistication and roaring spirit of the 1920s, an old Ringling Brothers carnival vibe, along with a few contemporary twists in places that evoke a Cirque du Soliel groove, as best demonstrated on the rollicking “Mazel Bop.”

Opening track, “Stomp” had me searching for my top hat, cane and tap shoes.  “Bumpin’” and “Jabberwookiee” found me sashaying and shimmying across the living room floor, clapping my hands and snapping my fingers like the of coolest of the ‘60s cats.  “Absinthe” delivers a funky up beat, while Mills’ melodic harmonica on “Rosalyn’s Café” speaks directly to the soul before kicking into an almost dizzying jubilation.   “Answer 42,” sultry and pensive, inspires the listener to wonder if the Universal answer is, in fact, contained in the shower of stars that can be heard in the delicate tinkling of piano keys.  “T.O.E” and “Off the Cuff” offer sophistication, paired perfectly with a nice Bordeaux.   “Mr. Purple” hints at both dark and light, alternating between a  mysterious and dangerous Pink Panther vibe and an almost frenzied up tempo crescendo.  The album culminates in the dreamy title track, “Underneath,” and gently drifts up and away.

What results is an overall feel good experience that will tempt even the most morose and melancholy out of their chairs and onto the dance floor, or at the very least, across their living room or kitchen floors.  This upbeat collection unfolds more deeply with each listen.  Likely the best anti-depressant this side of Prozac, it delivers a mood lift without all the side-effects.  Once “Underneath” gets under your skin, good luck getting it out.  I’ve had it on repeat for a week….and I’m still dancing across the floor.

For more information, see www.divomtheband.com and follow the band on Facebook www.facebook.com/divomtheband

Album is available for download and hard copy CD on:

• Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/Underneath/dp/B00CI7D10Y/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1367788906&sr=8-1&keywords=divom+underneath 
• CD Baby: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/divom

Upcoming Shows:

MIA'S LOUNGE ~ Thursday, May 16, 9:30pm
      26 S. San Francisco St. Flagstaff
OAK CREEK BREWERY ~ Friday, May 17, 7-11pm
      2050 Yavapai Dr. Sedona
INDIAN GARDENS ~ Saturday, May 18, 3-5pm
      3951 N. State Route 89A, Sedona (3 miles north of uptown)
MARTINI BAR ~ Saturday, May 18, 6:30-9:30
      1350 W, Hwy 89A, Sedona

All shows featuring DiVoM's LA Contingency from the album, Baba Elefante

~ bass, Craig Bunch ~ drums

Spring forward, duct taping the ego and other housekeeping tactics

With spring in the air, it’s again prime time for some housekeeping.   I start getting itchy and twitchy to just purge, purge, PURGE!   With a vengeance, I go thru closets, corners and cupboards searching out anything that no longer aligns to who I am now.  Items that, in the soothing darkness of winter, were sentimentally cradled with affection just a few short months ago, are now inspected with cold, calculating eyes under the bright, harsh light of day.   Onto the pile it goes.  Goodwill Industries loves me this time ofyear.

All that physical purging feels good.  It gets the blood going and clears the air, literally and figuratively.  It gives us a sense of space, a sense of breath again. Especially for those of us that have been holding our breath throughout the dark night of winter, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Spring gives us a chance to banish those fears, breathe deep, shake things up and look at things from new vantage points.   If we’re really brave, we’ll take it a step further to re-evaluate our inner world, sweeping those outdated emotional and belief dust bunnies out the door, right along with their physical counterparts.  If they no longer fit, no sense in having them hang around,  holding us back from new experiences.  At least, that's the plan.

Life seems too short to have anything or anyone in our life that makes us feel bad, anxious, stressed or obligated.  There’s a difference between real connections in which you can open a vein, knowing your life blood is safe mingling with that of another in the far reaches of their soul and allowing both of you to emerge better, more whole versus participating in your own, or even worse, in someone else’s orchestration of an elaborate drama dance of action/reaction that keeps everyone perched just on the edge of insecurity.   Who needs that?  Pop psychologists may call it co-dependence, attachments or addiction, but it all boils down to the same thing:  anything that does not honor the self and its inherent right to walk its own path, without sneers or judgment or anything that seeks to manipulate and win dwells in the land of ego.   That's just crap - that’s not a real connection and it’s certainly not love.  At best, it’s attachment that latches on, dragging us into negative places, at worst, an addiction.  Neither contributes anything constructive to our new Spring forward model.   Let’s toss it on the pile.

This includes the negative dance we choose to continue to do with our ego.  You know, the one that likes to beat us up and point out, in excruciating detail, specifically how we are a screw-up, stressing us out, making us sad, and knocking down ourself-esteem?   Some duct tape for the ego is in order.  If it can’t say something nice, it needs to be muzzled.   Let’s stop asking it to dance.  Seems pretty straightforward.  When did we forget howto be nice to ourselves?

Spring is a great time to let go of our unhealthy attachment to the ego’s need to stomp on our feet, along with our self-esteem.   Let’s not give anyone that opportunity, including our darker selves.  In Spring, we re-evaluate everything.  Life is full of hope and promise as we resolve to shed winder’s maudlin doldrums with a refreshed, positive outlook of new beginnings – that means a harsh look at our own lives, shining the flashlight of truth on the dust of some serious emotional cobwebs under the couch of our minds.

Let’s let Spring shine, the way it was meant to, as a time of hope, of beginnings, of building, of possibilities.  We can choose which thoughts and people we allow into our mental and physical landscape.  Do they support something positive or do they tear us down?  Do they seek to manipulate us into feeling bad to keep us under "control" or do they build us up and empower us? Do we choose to believe that life is full of possibilities or do we choose to believe that everything will end in disaster? 

What will you choose to believe?  What mental dust bunnies will you allow to remain under your couch, making you sneeze? What will you sweep out the door?

We’re all on our own journey.  We get to decide the nature and the quality of the connections we make with others and with ourselves. Will they be based in honor, for ourselves and others, or will the ego win out in its insatiable need to control or will we step off the crazy-making carousel, boarding it up as permanently “Out of Order”?  Can we give ourselves permission to just be happy and look to the future, seeking new possibilities and leaving behind the dust bunnies of anything that does not support that?  

At this time of Spring time renewal, the odds are with us.  With happy hearts, full of hope, let’s turn our backs on the limiting dust bunnies of the past and look forward, into the new possibilities.  Let’s honor those real connections, for our sakes as much as theirs, bringing our most authentic selves to them.  Sure it's scary as shit, but I promise you, it's worth it.

And if we’re really lucky (like I have been and for which I'm grateful on a daily basis), for a while, we get to walk along side of someone who happens to be heading in the same direction, to share in the sunshine.